i've been reading everyones e-mails and it makes me so happy to know that everyone out there feels the same way i do about life outside of governors school. before i left for governors school, i felt so trapped in my small city, trapped by so many people who do nothing but throw their lives away to drugs and apathy. i had some of the most beautiful friends who were artists here who eventually devolved into escapism and it was breaking my heart before i left to see such a destruction of beauty and creativity.
i have this thing with change, my life seems to drag on so slowly but every now and then something big happens in my life that changes the way i look at everything, changes me as a person and my perspective on the rest of the world. i worked for two years to get into governors school and i remember the last morning before i left for erie, crying because i was afraid of what might and might not happen.
you guys have changed my life, you have changed me more than anything else has and in the most positive way imaginable. you filled my world with color and sound and laughter again. there were so many of you that i never really got a chance to talk to but in my heart, i still love you intensely for your passion and your creativity and your amazing energy that always filled me with hope. i left governors school crying as i had the day i arrived, because i was afraid that nothing afterward would be the same, i was afraid that without seeing one another every day we would all grow apart and fade into memory. i came home and told my friends that i had fallen in love with over 200 people, some whose names i never even knew, some who i never even talked to, some who stayed up with me that last night talking and crying and running around the grotto one last time. you know who you are :)
so now i'm back home and everything here is the same. nothing ever seems to change. at governors school, there was something new to be discovered every day, every moment we were there we were discovering ourselves and each other and new aspects to the world around us and everything was always new and amazing. i long to bring this kind of freedom into the lives of my friends here who have become so sad and bored with life but its impossible to bring our experience to others, impossible for them to understand if they havent been there and known what it was like. so i'm trying in small ways to open them back up to the beauty in the world but its hard because with all of you, i never had to try, you were all open to whatever i had to say, however stupid or profound or out there it seemed and there are so many reasons why i love you all so much and i cant even list them all because even i cant know some of them but the amazing thing is that you all understand. i could send this e-mail to non govies and they would think i'm crazy but i know that every single one of you who reads this will understand what i mean and that is a great comfort to me when i feel alone here.
i had my first govie reunion a few days ago, visited christine in perkiomenville and got a chance to see max and nick as well. it was so invigorating to be amongst govies again, even if it was only a few of us. it renewed my determination to find a way to see all of you and it is a hard promise to keep when i have no car or license or money to get either but i'm damn well determined to do it because we have all been connected by one beautiful experience and we may never have that back but we can still have each other.
with that said, i love you all, please feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on or anything at all. i'm here for all of you.
with all my love;
aim: dansari rose
photo gallery: www.faelai.deviantart.com